Remember Candice and Zenya?
Zenya was from a region in Russia called Kemerovo. Today Kemerovo's legislature has voted to completely outlaw adoptions of local children by foreigners.
Sources:
http://rt.com/politics/russian-foreign-adoptions-ban-316/
http://en.ria.ru/russia/20130925/183721863/Russian-Region-First-to-Pass-Ban-on-All-Foreign-Adoptions.html
http://en.ria.ru/tags/tag_adoptive_parents/
There are no words for what is unfolding in front of us.
Wednesday 25 September 2013
Confusion . . . Awaiting Some Clarification
Yesterday hit us hard. Very, very hard.
We received a lot of support over Facebook. Thank you very much everyone.
So now for an update. Please keep in mind that we try to be as objective as possible when we share these things, but it's really, really hard right now.
The information we shared yesterday is very real. The news media in Europe is sharing this story. We first caught wind of it last week when J sent us this story from Spain: http://www.thinkspain.com/news-spain/23283/spain-fights-adoption-restrictions-in-russia-causing-heartbreak-for-families-to-be.
There are 4 adoption agencies in Canada that deal with Russia:
We have heard heard from 3 of them. One being our agency, 2 through contacts at the others.
CHOC says they are aware of the rumours but that they are not yet law, despite the Russian Government officials making public statements. They state that the expect some regions may cease adoption proceedings until more information is known. As it stands, they are still moving forward until a bill is signed.
CHOICES says they are business as usual.
AH says that can't comment at this time, even to their clients, as they have upcoming court cases and will know more after that.
Further to this, 2 of the 4 agencies are either closed or down to part time staff for a variety of reasons for the next 2-3 weeks. It is making it difficult for their clients to get in touch with them and for the agency to be supportive to their clients.
So what does this mean?
Well, it means that changes are likely coming, and government officials from Russia are making public statements to the news media about these changes, but no changes have yet legally occurred.
What it means for us?
In short, we have no idea.
If we listen to the public statements by Russian officials then the adoption is over.
If we listen to the agency then it means we may still get a referral, but there is no guarantee that we could finalize an adoption.
At the moment, we are in limbo. Hopefully the next few days will provide some sort of clarity.
Regardless, our hearts are broken as are our spirits.
We will keep everyone updated.
We received a lot of support over Facebook. Thank you very much everyone.
So now for an update. Please keep in mind that we try to be as objective as possible when we share these things, but it's really, really hard right now.
The information we shared yesterday is very real. The news media in Europe is sharing this story. We first caught wind of it last week when J sent us this story from Spain: http://www.thinkspain.com/news-spain/23283/spain-fights-adoption-restrictions-in-russia-causing-heartbreak-for-families-to-be.
There are 4 adoption agencies in Canada that deal with Russia:
- Caring Homes For Orphan Children (aka CHOC)
- CHOICES
- Adoption Horizons (aka AH)
- Terres Des Hommes Ontario (aka TDH)
We have heard heard from 3 of them. One being our agency, 2 through contacts at the others.
CHOC says they are aware of the rumours but that they are not yet law, despite the Russian Government officials making public statements. They state that the expect some regions may cease adoption proceedings until more information is known. As it stands, they are still moving forward until a bill is signed.
CHOICES says they are business as usual.
AH says that can't comment at this time, even to their clients, as they have upcoming court cases and will know more after that.
Further to this, 2 of the 4 agencies are either closed or down to part time staff for a variety of reasons for the next 2-3 weeks. It is making it difficult for their clients to get in touch with them and for the agency to be supportive to their clients.
So what does this mean?
Well, it means that changes are likely coming, and government officials from Russia are making public statements to the news media about these changes, but no changes have yet legally occurred.
What it means for us?
In short, we have no idea.
If we listen to the public statements by Russian officials then the adoption is over.
If we listen to the agency then it means we may still get a referral, but there is no guarantee that we could finalize an adoption.
At the moment, we are in limbo. Hopefully the next few days will provide some sort of clarity.
Regardless, our hearts are broken as are our spirits.
We will keep everyone updated.
Monday 23 September 2013
Devastation.
Last week we heard some rumours. We searched online and couldn't find anything to substantiate these rumours. Blogs that supported these whispers were not sharing their sources, so the credibility was unsubstantiated.
Tonight I received an email from J, another woman adopting from Russia. J and I have been talking fairly regularly over the last few months. Tonight J was writing to share a link to one of the sources validating everything from last week.
Russia will only allow adoptions to proceed with countries they have a bilateral agreement with. That is to say, with France and Italy.
No, Canada is not on the list. We do not even have a bilateral agreement in place.
For those that need sources: http://www.rfdeti.ru/news/7355-usynovlyat-rossiyskih-detey-mogut-grazhdane-tolko-dvuh-inostrannyh-gosudarstv
You can use this to translate: http://translate.google.ca/ - just put the source link in the box and it will give you a translated version.
A Russian government web page has listed the quote for the day as:
"Russia wants to convey to the world their desire for self-solving domestic problems. We are ready to take care of our children and help families."
I guess that says it all. Good for them. Not good for us.
It means that our adoption is halted. Stopped.
Tonight I received an email from J, another woman adopting from Russia. J and I have been talking fairly regularly over the last few months. Tonight J was writing to share a link to one of the sources validating everything from last week.
Russia will only allow adoptions to proceed with countries they have a bilateral agreement with. That is to say, with France and Italy.
No, Canada is not on the list. We do not even have a bilateral agreement in place.
For those that need sources: http://www.rfdeti.ru/news/7355-usynovlyat-rossiyskih-detey-mogut-grazhdane-tolko-dvuh-inostrannyh-gosudarstv
You can use this to translate: http://translate.google.ca/ - just put the source link in the box and it will give you a translated version.
A Russian government web page has listed the quote for the day as:
"Russia wants to convey to the world their desire for self-solving domestic problems. We are ready to take care of our children and help families."
I guess that says it all. Good for them. Not good for us.
It means that our adoption is halted. Stopped.
If you have any information
that shows different data, alternate facts or anything at all that contradicts
this, we ask that you let us know immediately at pamandadamadopt@gmail.com Or you can leave a comment below.
Sunday 22 September 2013
Supporting Adoptive Families
While there is nothing new to report in our adoption journey, there is certainly no lack of preparation on our side.
Source: http://www.thekitchenisnotmyoffice.com/2012/12/supporting-and-understanding-adoptive.html
Tips for Supporting and Understanding Adoptive Families:
Our children are not necessarily grateful to have been adopted.
And we don't expect them to be. It is not that our kids don't notice the stability of a family. It's not that they don't cherish the love that they are receiving or that they don't like their new life. It is because children are programmed to need, want and expect love. When we provide it we are not heroes, we are simply meeting one of their very basic needs. Expecting adopted children to be grateful for being adopted is like expecting our biological children to be grateful for being conceived. It was a choice that we, their parents, made and that they were brought into.
Please don't feed my kids.
For children who have known hunger, food means love. We want them to learn to love us, their parents and siblings, before they bond with extended family, neighbors and friends. I know that they stare longingly at anything edible. I know that our two year old puts his head on the table and looks at you with puppy dog eyes. But since we were not there to meet their early needs (breast or bottle feeding, comforting them when they were sick, changing diapers, kissing boo boos) we need to make up for it by meeting as many of their physical and emotional needs as possible now. Many adopted children also have food insecurities. Some eat until they vomit and then start eating again. Others hoard food, needing the comfort of knowing that there is some saved for later. It is best to leave all feeding to the parents unless specifically directed otherwise.
Parenting an adopted child is hard work and we struggle.
We may tell you that were okay when we're really falling apart. We're worried that if we are honest about how difficult it is that you won't understand and that you'll think we're nuts. Adding a child who may or may not have anything in common with us socially, culturally, biologically or even personality-wise is challenging. Though undoubtedly beautiful and worth all of the struggles, adoption certainly isn't always easy or pretty.
It is greatly appreciated if you choose your wording carefully, especially around our children.
Yes, these are all our "real" kids (though sometimes it would be nice if all of my kids, adopted and biological, had "off" switches) and, in most situations, you probably do not need to specify whether you are talking about my "adopted kids" or my "biological kids". They are all my kids even if they joined us through different paths.
If you'd like to offer support (meal, help with house cleaning, etc) when an adopted child joins the family, please do even if we don't reach out and ask.
Many of us won't specifically ask for help or tell you what we need. However, I don't know a single adoptive mom who would turn down an offer to have a group of friends tidy/clean her house during those first few weeks at home with a new child. Likewise, coffee and chocolate are most always welcome and might be exactly what a new adoptive mom needs to get through those challenging times of adjustment!
Please don't try to get our child to like you the most.
Attachment and bonding are challenging enough without having friends and family slip our children candy, shower them with gifts, offer seconds at meals or encouraging bending and stretching of family rules. We're already working our tails off to get them to like us. With consistency and time they will learn to like you too, I promise.
Our adopted children had lives before they joined our family.
They had/have birth families and other relatives who are important to them and who deserve recognition and credit too. They have had life experiences that, while sometimes different than ours, are still special and valuable.
Be considerate of the types of questions that you ask about our child's background and personal history, especially in their presence and especially if they are old enough to understand.
Would it offend you if someone asked if you have AIDS, if you were abandoned, if your parents were drug users or how your parents died? If so, best not to ask these questions to someone else. We understand that it is normal to be curious and to wonder about the circumstances that led to a child's adoption. However, these are things that we discuss openly in our immediate family but not elsewhere. Our children may or may not choose to divulge more of their personal stories someday when they are older but they are THEIR stories and details to share, not mine.
Sometimes adopted children need to be parented differently than biological children.
We are not spoiling them. We aren't making excuses for poor behavior. Rather, we are parenting a child whose background may be very dissimilar to anything we've experienced. A child who has been abandoned and who has a fear of abandonment shouldn't be sent to time out alone in another room. A child who is still attaching to their adoptive family may need to be firmly held while having loving, affirming words whispered into their ear during a full-blown tantrum. The types of consequences that work for other children might not work for a child who doesn't have the same sense of value of their possessions and who doesn't understand what it means to have privileges. As parents, we must be flexible to help meet the individual needs of our child even if it means that we do things a little differently sometimes.
If you would like to give a gift to our new child, please consider something small that the whole family can enjoy together.
A few ideas are a frozen meal, a gift card to the movies, a small ornament commemorating the adoption or art supplies for all of the kids to share. We know that you want to welcome our new additions but gifts can be overwhelming for children who have had few material possessions. Also, we want our children to learn to love you for who you are, not for the fact that they hope they'll get another gift the next time they see you again. Other siblings may also experience jealousy and resentment if the new addition suddenly receives an armory of gifts and they are excluded.
Attachment takes time and work.
It doesn't happen overnight. Even if it appears that our child is securely attached to us it may take many months or years and every child and every family bonds differently. Many times we're faking it until we make it but one day we will wake up and realize that we're not faking it anymore and that our love is deep and real.
Parents who have recently added a child through adoption need support, friendship, love and encouragement.
Even if we're somewhat withdrawn and spending a lot of time at home cocooning with our new addition we value our friendships. Please continue to check up on us and to email, text, call or stop by. If you were in our life before we still want you in our life and in the lives of our children!
Please refrain from commenting on our child's appearance (specifically relating to ethnicity/race) in front of him or her.
All children want to feel included and to fit in. Pointing out how dark they are, how differently they look from the rest of us or how unique their hair feels only makes them feel like they stand out more.
Please do not ask adopted children if they like their new parents/family.
Adopted children do not usually get to hand pick their family. Adoption is similar to an arranged marriage and unique, sometimes very different people are brought together. With hard work and patience true love may grow. However, ask ANY child, biological or adopted (especially any older child!) if they like their parents and be prepared for some interesting answers!
It takes time to help children start to heal from a difficult past.
Just because they have been with us for a certain amount of time does not mean that the are "fixed". On the other hand, just because children are adopted does not necessarily mean that they will be any more difficult, defiant, less successful or anything else as teenagers or adults.
Educating your children about adoption and diversity helps my children.
Talking openly about adoption, children who look different than one or both parents and other "nontraditional" family structures helps our children feel accepted and secure at extracurricular activities, church, school and elsewhere in our community.
Our new additions are not celebrities.
We appreciate all of the love and support that we were shown during our adoption process and we know that everyone is excited to meet them. However, taking photos of just our adopted child or pouring attention on them while ignoring our other children is not healthy for anyone. The child who is receiving all of the attention often feels singled out and siblings quickly become resentful.
Our children may be "delayed" when they join our family but often they just need time.
Adopted children are placed into environments that may be very different than anything they've ever experienced. They may be overstimulated, confused and sometimes there are language barriers. With time and patience most emotional, intellectual and physical delays will be overcome.
Please do not tell us how amazing we (parents) are because we have chosen to adopt.
We know that this comment is usually intended as a compliment but our adopted kids are not burdens, charity cases or a community service project to be completed. As parents we gladly invest the time and energy needed to ensure the happiness and well-being of any of our children.
We may discourage physical contact with our child for the first several months that they are home or until we feel like they are securely attached to us.
Please do not insist on holding them, hugging them or having them sit on your lap. Many children who have lived in orphanages and institutions learn to fight for adult attention. Often they can put on quite the show and act like the most friendly, charming child to draw attention to themselves. While it may be cute and though it gives the false impression that they are well-adjusted and confident, it is very important that initially the parents are the only adults who help fulfill these children's need for physical affection. This also teaches healthy boundaries and is a safety consideration since no child, adopted or biological, should feel obligated to have close physical contact with someone that they do not know well.
We do not advertise our child's "cost".
If you would like to know how expensive our adoption process was, please ask when our children are not present, call after our kids are in bed or send us an email. Most adoptive families are happy to share our experiences and to provide helpful information but we do not ever want our children to feel like they were bought or that they are commodities.
When the going gets tough please do not ask if we regret our decision to adopt or imply that "we asked for it".
Few people would tell a sleep-deprived mother of a colicky newborn "well, you asked for this" and it would be considered rude to ask a new mother if she regretted her decision to have a baby. Just because something is difficult does not mean that we regret it. There are bumps in the road of every journey.
Even the happiest of adoptions are a result of challenging or difficult circumstances.
Though we like to think of adoption as a "happy ending", birth parents may have made difficult decisions, children may have faced losses and many lives were forever changed. Though most adopted children grow to be happy, well-adjusted adults and though most adoptive families are beautiful and full of love, it is important not to romanticize adoption.
And, most importantly:
No one is perfect.
If you slip and call our biological kids our "real" kids or if you've already asked "What happened to his mother?" we won't hold a grudge. We know that our family is different. We understand that it is impossible to be sensitive and politically correct in every situation all the time. These are ideas and suggestions, not commandments.
We appreciate that you care about our family. We cannot thank you enough for wanting to learn more about supporting and understanding the adoptive family and for helping make this transition as smooth as possible for all of us!
Source: http://www.thekitchenisnotmyoffice.com/2012/12/supporting-and-understanding-adoptive.html
Tips for Supporting and Understanding Adoptive Families:
Our children are not necessarily grateful to have been adopted.
And we don't expect them to be. It is not that our kids don't notice the stability of a family. It's not that they don't cherish the love that they are receiving or that they don't like their new life. It is because children are programmed to need, want and expect love. When we provide it we are not heroes, we are simply meeting one of their very basic needs. Expecting adopted children to be grateful for being adopted is like expecting our biological children to be grateful for being conceived. It was a choice that we, their parents, made and that they were brought into.
Please don't feed my kids.
For children who have known hunger, food means love. We want them to learn to love us, their parents and siblings, before they bond with extended family, neighbors and friends. I know that they stare longingly at anything edible. I know that our two year old puts his head on the table and looks at you with puppy dog eyes. But since we were not there to meet their early needs (breast or bottle feeding, comforting them when they were sick, changing diapers, kissing boo boos) we need to make up for it by meeting as many of their physical and emotional needs as possible now. Many adopted children also have food insecurities. Some eat until they vomit and then start eating again. Others hoard food, needing the comfort of knowing that there is some saved for later. It is best to leave all feeding to the parents unless specifically directed otherwise.
Parenting an adopted child is hard work and we struggle.
We may tell you that were okay when we're really falling apart. We're worried that if we are honest about how difficult it is that you won't understand and that you'll think we're nuts. Adding a child who may or may not have anything in common with us socially, culturally, biologically or even personality-wise is challenging. Though undoubtedly beautiful and worth all of the struggles, adoption certainly isn't always easy or pretty.
It is greatly appreciated if you choose your wording carefully, especially around our children.
Yes, these are all our "real" kids (though sometimes it would be nice if all of my kids, adopted and biological, had "off" switches) and, in most situations, you probably do not need to specify whether you are talking about my "adopted kids" or my "biological kids". They are all my kids even if they joined us through different paths.
If you'd like to offer support (meal, help with house cleaning, etc) when an adopted child joins the family, please do even if we don't reach out and ask.
Many of us won't specifically ask for help or tell you what we need. However, I don't know a single adoptive mom who would turn down an offer to have a group of friends tidy/clean her house during those first few weeks at home with a new child. Likewise, coffee and chocolate are most always welcome and might be exactly what a new adoptive mom needs to get through those challenging times of adjustment!
Please don't try to get our child to like you the most.
Attachment and bonding are challenging enough without having friends and family slip our children candy, shower them with gifts, offer seconds at meals or encouraging bending and stretching of family rules. We're already working our tails off to get them to like us. With consistency and time they will learn to like you too, I promise.
Our adopted children had lives before they joined our family.
They had/have birth families and other relatives who are important to them and who deserve recognition and credit too. They have had life experiences that, while sometimes different than ours, are still special and valuable.
Be considerate of the types of questions that you ask about our child's background and personal history, especially in their presence and especially if they are old enough to understand.
Would it offend you if someone asked if you have AIDS, if you were abandoned, if your parents were drug users or how your parents died? If so, best not to ask these questions to someone else. We understand that it is normal to be curious and to wonder about the circumstances that led to a child's adoption. However, these are things that we discuss openly in our immediate family but not elsewhere. Our children may or may not choose to divulge more of their personal stories someday when they are older but they are THEIR stories and details to share, not mine.
Sometimes adopted children need to be parented differently than biological children.
We are not spoiling them. We aren't making excuses for poor behavior. Rather, we are parenting a child whose background may be very dissimilar to anything we've experienced. A child who has been abandoned and who has a fear of abandonment shouldn't be sent to time out alone in another room. A child who is still attaching to their adoptive family may need to be firmly held while having loving, affirming words whispered into their ear during a full-blown tantrum. The types of consequences that work for other children might not work for a child who doesn't have the same sense of value of their possessions and who doesn't understand what it means to have privileges. As parents, we must be flexible to help meet the individual needs of our child even if it means that we do things a little differently sometimes.
If you would like to give a gift to our new child, please consider something small that the whole family can enjoy together.
A few ideas are a frozen meal, a gift card to the movies, a small ornament commemorating the adoption or art supplies for all of the kids to share. We know that you want to welcome our new additions but gifts can be overwhelming for children who have had few material possessions. Also, we want our children to learn to love you for who you are, not for the fact that they hope they'll get another gift the next time they see you again. Other siblings may also experience jealousy and resentment if the new addition suddenly receives an armory of gifts and they are excluded.
Attachment takes time and work.
It doesn't happen overnight. Even if it appears that our child is securely attached to us it may take many months or years and every child and every family bonds differently. Many times we're faking it until we make it but one day we will wake up and realize that we're not faking it anymore and that our love is deep and real.
Parents who have recently added a child through adoption need support, friendship, love and encouragement.
Even if we're somewhat withdrawn and spending a lot of time at home cocooning with our new addition we value our friendships. Please continue to check up on us and to email, text, call or stop by. If you were in our life before we still want you in our life and in the lives of our children!
Please refrain from commenting on our child's appearance (specifically relating to ethnicity/race) in front of him or her.
All children want to feel included and to fit in. Pointing out how dark they are, how differently they look from the rest of us or how unique their hair feels only makes them feel like they stand out more.
Please do not ask adopted children if they like their new parents/family.
Adopted children do not usually get to hand pick their family. Adoption is similar to an arranged marriage and unique, sometimes very different people are brought together. With hard work and patience true love may grow. However, ask ANY child, biological or adopted (especially any older child!) if they like their parents and be prepared for some interesting answers!
It takes time to help children start to heal from a difficult past.
Just because they have been with us for a certain amount of time does not mean that the are "fixed". On the other hand, just because children are adopted does not necessarily mean that they will be any more difficult, defiant, less successful or anything else as teenagers or adults.
Educating your children about adoption and diversity helps my children.
Talking openly about adoption, children who look different than one or both parents and other "nontraditional" family structures helps our children feel accepted and secure at extracurricular activities, church, school and elsewhere in our community.
Our new additions are not celebrities.
We appreciate all of the love and support that we were shown during our adoption process and we know that everyone is excited to meet them. However, taking photos of just our adopted child or pouring attention on them while ignoring our other children is not healthy for anyone. The child who is receiving all of the attention often feels singled out and siblings quickly become resentful.
Our children may be "delayed" when they join our family but often they just need time.
Adopted children are placed into environments that may be very different than anything they've ever experienced. They may be overstimulated, confused and sometimes there are language barriers. With time and patience most emotional, intellectual and physical delays will be overcome.
Please do not tell us how amazing we (parents) are because we have chosen to adopt.
We know that this comment is usually intended as a compliment but our adopted kids are not burdens, charity cases or a community service project to be completed. As parents we gladly invest the time and energy needed to ensure the happiness and well-being of any of our children.
We may discourage physical contact with our child for the first several months that they are home or until we feel like they are securely attached to us.
Please do not insist on holding them, hugging them or having them sit on your lap. Many children who have lived in orphanages and institutions learn to fight for adult attention. Often they can put on quite the show and act like the most friendly, charming child to draw attention to themselves. While it may be cute and though it gives the false impression that they are well-adjusted and confident, it is very important that initially the parents are the only adults who help fulfill these children's need for physical affection. This also teaches healthy boundaries and is a safety consideration since no child, adopted or biological, should feel obligated to have close physical contact with someone that they do not know well.
We do not advertise our child's "cost".
If you would like to know how expensive our adoption process was, please ask when our children are not present, call after our kids are in bed or send us an email. Most adoptive families are happy to share our experiences and to provide helpful information but we do not ever want our children to feel like they were bought or that they are commodities.
When the going gets tough please do not ask if we regret our decision to adopt or imply that "we asked for it".
Few people would tell a sleep-deprived mother of a colicky newborn "well, you asked for this" and it would be considered rude to ask a new mother if she regretted her decision to have a baby. Just because something is difficult does not mean that we regret it. There are bumps in the road of every journey.
Even the happiest of adoptions are a result of challenging or difficult circumstances.
Though we like to think of adoption as a "happy ending", birth parents may have made difficult decisions, children may have faced losses and many lives were forever changed. Though most adopted children grow to be happy, well-adjusted adults and though most adoptive families are beautiful and full of love, it is important not to romanticize adoption.
And, most importantly:
No one is perfect.
If you slip and call our biological kids our "real" kids or if you've already asked "What happened to his mother?" we won't hold a grudge. We know that our family is different. We understand that it is impossible to be sensitive and politically correct in every situation all the time. These are ideas and suggestions, not commandments.
We appreciate that you care about our family. We cannot thank you enough for wanting to learn more about supporting and understanding the adoptive family and for helping make this transition as smooth as possible for all of us!
Thursday 12 September 2013
Why Not?
When you share the story of a journey, like Adam and I have done here on this blog, people are often inspired to share in kind.
People start to feel as though they know you better, and often entrust their stories to you. Adam and I have been fortunate to hear the stories of those we know, and even some from people we don't.
"I've always wanted to adopt."
We hear these words often.
However, it's often quickly followed with the reason(s) why they haven't.
They couldn't afford it, they didn't get around to it, they got busy with the family they already have.
The sad truth is that adoption is, most often, thought to be a Plan B.
Plan B if you can't have your own children.
Plan B if you want to select the gender of your child.
Now, adoption isn't for everyone. This is true. But if it's something you've spent time thinking about it, it may be worth asking yourself one small question.
"Why not?"
Why not adopt?
That's it. Just . . . think about it.
People start to feel as though they know you better, and often entrust their stories to you. Adam and I have been fortunate to hear the stories of those we know, and even some from people we don't.
"I've always wanted to adopt."
We hear these words often.
However, it's often quickly followed with the reason(s) why they haven't.
They couldn't afford it, they didn't get around to it, they got busy with the family they already have.
The sad truth is that adoption is, most often, thought to be a Plan B.
Plan B if you can't have your own children.
Plan B if you want to select the gender of your child.
Now, adoption isn't for everyone. This is true. But if it's something you've spent time thinking about it, it may be worth asking yourself one small question.
"Why not?"
Why not adopt?
That's it. Just . . . think about it.
Tuesday 10 September 2013
A Little Movement
As expected, the paperwork is back from the Consulate. Our agency is couriering it to Vladivostok today.
More waiting :)
More waiting :)
Tuesday 3 September 2013
Not This Month
It didn't even occur to us we wouldn't be travelling, or getting ready to, by now.
You see, our agency is new in dealing with Vladivostok. We are the first family they've sent there (meaning we're the first in line for our agency in that area) and we've been told by other Adoptive Parents (from another agency, who picked up their little girl in June from there) that they were told while in-country that there just aren't enough parents coming through. (You know what a grapevine is like.)
The agency assured us we wouldn't have a long wait, but nothing can be done with assurances.
Our paperwork is still at the Consulate being processed. And further to that, our agency is closed for the week this week, as we were notified today.
So even if the paperwork is waiting for them on Monday, it takes a week to get to Vlad and at least a week, or more, to be translated and have the translation notarized.
Then it goes to the government to meet up with our file.
And then we wait for the person managing our file to re-review it in-depth to be certain nothing else is needed.
Then we wait for a referral.
Our agency had told us at one point this summer that the referral wasn't waiting for the paperwork to meet up. That's no longer the case, if it was at all.
So we are down, and we are sad and we are frustrated and we are anxious to become parents. We are putting our lives on hold waiting for the phone to ring so we can drop everything and go. We make no plans more than 2 weeks out and live attached to our phones and emails.
It was the same way when we were dealing with infertility. We just didn't have it in us to make plans and walked on eggshells while avoiding people with children (or expecting children).
For a long time our lives have been pending. Pending the next step. Pending the next part of our lives. Most people don't understand because they haven't been through it, or are on the other side looking back. Most people say that you have to live your life and enjoy it, etc., etc.. But when you're in it getting to the next stage of life is all there is.
We don't want to travel around the world for leisure. We don't need a house, especially when we can't fill it. We don't want to buy expensive things just for the sake of it. We want what everyone in our shoes wants: parenthood. We want to a child to love, and cuddle and read to. Someone to protect, to teach and to love.
Maybe next month.
You see, our agency is new in dealing with Vladivostok. We are the first family they've sent there (meaning we're the first in line for our agency in that area) and we've been told by other Adoptive Parents (from another agency, who picked up their little girl in June from there) that they were told while in-country that there just aren't enough parents coming through. (You know what a grapevine is like.)
The agency assured us we wouldn't have a long wait, but nothing can be done with assurances.
Our paperwork is still at the Consulate being processed. And further to that, our agency is closed for the week this week, as we were notified today.
So even if the paperwork is waiting for them on Monday, it takes a week to get to Vlad and at least a week, or more, to be translated and have the translation notarized.
Then it goes to the government to meet up with our file.
And then we wait for the person managing our file to re-review it in-depth to be certain nothing else is needed.
Then we wait for a referral.
Our agency had told us at one point this summer that the referral wasn't waiting for the paperwork to meet up. That's no longer the case, if it was at all.
So we are down, and we are sad and we are frustrated and we are anxious to become parents. We are putting our lives on hold waiting for the phone to ring so we can drop everything and go. We make no plans more than 2 weeks out and live attached to our phones and emails.
It was the same way when we were dealing with infertility. We just didn't have it in us to make plans and walked on eggshells while avoiding people with children (or expecting children).
For a long time our lives have been pending. Pending the next step. Pending the next part of our lives. Most people don't understand because they haven't been through it, or are on the other side looking back. Most people say that you have to live your life and enjoy it, etc., etc.. But when you're in it getting to the next stage of life is all there is.
We don't want to travel around the world for leisure. We don't need a house, especially when we can't fill it. We don't want to buy expensive things just for the sake of it. We want what everyone in our shoes wants: parenthood. We want to a child to love, and cuddle and read to. Someone to protect, to teach and to love.
Maybe next month.
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