Our Journey So Far

We start “trying” around the time of our wedding, in August 2010. Pam was very gung-ho about timing and tracking cycles pretty much right away, although neither of us were worried or were all that upset that we had no pregnancy right after the wedding. 

Around the 9 month mark we asked for a consultation at the local Women & Children’s hospital (the IWK) as Pam had had uterine surgery a few months before the wedding and we wanted to be sure there were no issues.

After the consultation Pam started her first round of 3 cycles of Clomid. Clomid is supposed to increase the chances of pregnancy. Clomid is not recommended to take for more than a few cycles in a single lifetime, and as it acts like a hormone, makes the entire cycle more unpleasant to go through. And Pam has higher than normal pain without adding extra to it, so this was bad for her.

It was not successful, and Pam took a break from Clomid as we tried naturally for a few months again. A second round of Clomid was up next. 

During the second round Pam briefly became “biochemically”pregnant. It’s the sort of pregnancy loss that you might miss entirely if you weren’t looking for it. But Pam, yeah, she really looks for it – tests, thermometers, any website to track cycles days, ovulation tests, etc. Pee stick tests were ordered in bulk, and the faintest line was a cause for excitement, and this showed up on those tests enough to convince me as well. I just figured we’d have better luck soon.

Unfortunately, the horrors of Clomid turned out to more of a warm-up for the next thing we tried.
 

For the next few months we weren’t actively tracking Pam’s cycle looking for ideal days to try and get pregnant, although we were still trying. 

We next decided to try IVF. 

We looked at the various therapies, and after testing and with our history of at least one fertilization, it did not appear that the issue was related to fertilization, so we tried a full IVF cycle to help and create the best possible uterine environment for a fertilized egg. 

This process was even more trying for Pam, as she had to endure multiple pills, nasal sprays, injections and "girly" suppositories – basically drugs going in everywhere, to control her cycle, ovulation, and make everything as good as possible.  Pam also got to go through frequent ultrasounds, and very early in the day appointments for weeks on end.   

Surgical egg extraction was especially difficult for Pam, as one of her ovaries tends to hide and she seems to feel pain in areas that are unexpected to those doing the operations. Throw in a general bad reaction to anaesthesia and many pain killers… yeah, this part sucks for her. 

On our first extraction we got 11 eggs, all of which successfully fertilized. Four survived the five days until transfer day. We chose to transfer two, and had two frozen. Everything was fine until about the 7 week mark, when Pam noticed that things didn’t feel right and some symptoms had changed, and unfortunately, it turned out that we had had twins but lost both of the embryos around that time. This is just before the first ultrasound appointment (scheduled at 7-8 weeks). This was, of course, devastating to both of us.

This takes us to early 2012, at which point we decided to try another IVF cycle later in the year. In the summer of 2012, we went through another cycle, which was similarly painful and difficult for Pam. This time we transferred 1 embryo, and froze the remaining 5. Again, we achieved pregnancy until just past 6 weeks when Pam noticed that things did not feel right, and again we lost the pregnancy. 

At this point, we have not given up on having a genetic child, but have decided to take a break. One reason for waiting is that we went through two cycles and got essentially identical results, but there is no reason/diagnosis for any of the difficulties (note to doctors: when “unspecified” is in a diagnosis, it doesn’t count). I don’t hold out much hope, but it’s possible in a few years there could be additional tests or procedures available that might tell us more. We are lucky enough to have 7 frozen embryos for future use.

So, adoption. We had discussed adoption as a part of our family plan before we were married, and had agreed to adopt a child in the future. After marriage, we put ourselves on the domestic (Nova Scotia) adoption list. In Nova Scotia there is a wait for training, a subsequent wait for the home study and then a wait for a child. We requested a child under the age of 5. However, because we are interested in adopting a child under the age of 5, the wait time is estimated at 8 years or so – and it was made clear that it could be longer.

We have never asked for a baby, or a perfectly healthy child.

Nova Scotia is currently processing adoptions for:

1. Children age 8+;
2. Sibling groups of 4+; and
3. Children who are very difficult to place due to medical requirements.

There is currently a very large backlog of adoptive parents to get through. Waiting 3 years and not being processed is, unfortunately, not out of the norm. The province is doing everything they can for every child. We are still on the list.


However, we were uncomfortable waiting until we were in our 40's to start our family. After suffering through infertility issues, we wanted to pursue starting a family more quickly than an 8+ year wait.

We looked into adopting from other Canadian provinces. We were advised by officials that each province governs it's own adoption, and cross-provincial adoptions are rare and usually only an option if:

1. It is an in-family adoption
2. A biological parent chooses someone personally from another province, or
3. The child is incredibly difficult to place.

International adoption was the path we chose to pursue, and we’ve focused our efforts on Russia, which is one of the quicker countries (1-2 years versus 3-8 years), and also one of the more expensive. It's also the country that feels *right* to us.

So here we are!