Thoughts on Parenting by Adoption

Between our two work schedules life has hectic, but good. This weekend was a (now rare) 2 whole days free together. Quite often I (Pam) will be coming off a night shift Saturday morning or working a day shift on Sunday. It was a wonderful treat.

Sunday afternoon I was off to enjoy some time with a few girlfriends (again, very rare these days). There would be 3 other women and their 4 children. Of the children, 3 were in the 2 - 4 age range.

I couldn't help but think, on the drive there, about how wonderful it will be to have our own Little One to take and share in the fun with the group. Now, this isn't a new thought - this is a thought that has been on my mind since before we were ready to try for a family, but this time if was different. We may very well have a Little One to join in come this time next year.

What a wonderful thought! How miraculous and amazing - a dream that we can realize!

Then I began to picture it in my mind. Our wonderful child, in the car seat on the way over, looking out the windows at the ocean that stretches out forever. Our child, hopping out of the car and reaching his/her small and delicate hand to mine to guide them.

What would it be like? Would s/he run and play and race and squeal with delight with the other children?

No, I don't suppose they will. At least, not at first.

There are some defences that become learnt behaviours as a child grows up in orphanage conditions. There's no fault to be had; the defences are simply product of circumstance.

Children from orphanages often have few-to-no possessions of their own, particularly at a young age before they can protect, preserve and defend their own. But they try. They always try. Leave a snack, a toy or a teddy unguarded and it can be gone.

So they learn to do what they can to keep what they have. If you have a toy, put it behind your back to guard it. If you have a treat to eat, don't let anyone get close enough to take it away.

These are justified, normal and expected behaviours.

Taking turns and sharing is new. Giving something to someone else doesn't make sense. Then being able to have it back makes even less sense.

Our child will be new to our life, new to Canada and new to this world in so many ways. S/he will face many hurdles, which we will help them over. There will be many difficulties that other children simply won't have, but with work, patience and love we will all get through, and likely be much stronger for it.

Parenting by adoption is unique. But then so are we. So I think it suits.