How Does Information Spread??

Since we went public, we've received a lot of questions about how we know others in similar situations.

Well, the truth is, the internet is an incredible thing.

There is an overwhelming amount of support to be found on the internet. Perfect strangers who come together to support one another, and help educate one another, as they go through similar journeys. In times of distress and uncertainty, people come together and learn from each other.

There are blogs, private message forums, and emails. Anything you need to know - about what to expect, where to go, who to talk to (or not talk to) or what someone else experienced - is available with a few clicks of a button.

We have talked to people from various countries, various backgrounds and various experiences.

When we started there wasn't much publicly available about Canadians in the process of Russia. Some, but not much. So we started this blog. And you know what? People found us.

This blog has served to connect more people than I can count. We have readers all over the world, including in Russia.

There are more blogs out there that are not public, that you need a private invitation to see. There are locked-down chat-rooms and forums to protect people's identities and the information they share.

An important benefit to being online is that people raring use their real identities. It provides a curtain of privacy to share the cold hard truth and unedited stories without anyone being incriminated or accused.

People need to have a way to connect that isn't moderated by people in positions of authority.

Like I said, the internet is a wonderful thing.

How difficult is it to adopt a child in Nova Scotia?

CBC has done a follow up story on the one we were featured in the other night.

We received a very heartfelt phone call from CBC this morning, apologizing for the backlash, and assuring us that they had no idea how negative and uninformed the response would be. Additionally, the lady we've been dealing with, P, offered to listen should we simply need someone to talk to through the news stories and our journey. Thank you, P.

P told us we'd be front and centre again while they did a story on adoption in Nova Scotia. CBC wanted to show Canada what the reality is like, a first step in informing Canadians and dispersing falsehoods.

Quicker than expected, the story appears on CBC News website this afternoon.

******************

How difficult is it to adopt a child in Nova Scotia?
1,300 Nova Scotia children in foster care, less than half cannot be adopted

Pam and Adam Webber dreamed of adopting a child from Russia, but got stuck in the middle of a international adoption dispute. (CBC)

Pam and Adam Webber had a dream of adopting a child from Russia, but the Halifax couple's plan was thwarted by that country's decision to suspend Canadian adoptions.

It was a bitter blow, considering their decision to opt for the international route came after failed fertility treatments and a three and a half year wait to adopt within Nova Scotia.

After they took their story public to CBC News, many people questioned why they weren't trying to adopt in Nova Scotia.

In fact, the Webbers were told that because they wanted to adopt a child under the age of five, they could be on a waiting list for up to eight years.

Janet Nearing is the acting director of Nova Scotia's Department of Community Services, which oversees both the provincial and international adoption process. She agrees the wait is lengthy for young children.

"Last year we placed 16 infants and that would actually be kind of a high number for us," she said. "It's often less than 10."

Nearing said the wait is shorter if families are willing to adopt children more than eight years old, siblings in groups of three or more, or children with significant special needs.

If a family is African Nova Scotian or bi-racial, Nearing said their wait may also be shorter because many of the children in the department's care are African Nova Scotian and officials wants to ensure their cultural heritage is maintained.

There are currently 1,300 children in foster care. Of them, 876 have a temporary status and cannot be adopted — the department is still trying to reunite them with their biological families.

Last year, 122 children in Nova Scotia were adopted.

There are now 130 families approved and waiting for a referral with more than 400 others still taking training or being assessed.

Nearing said there are no restrictions based on age or marital status. Only those who have been convicted of child abuse or have a health condition that would prevent them from taking care of a child would be considered ineligible.

As for international adoption, only 17 Nova Scotia families registered to go that route last year. That's down from more than 100 in 2006. Nearing said that's due to the changing rules by countries such as China.

"Other countries have either closed their doors or imposed new restrictions or criteria that have made it quite difficult for families to proceed," she said.

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Additional to the 130 families waiting and the 400 in training and being assessed, there is a large number of families in the position we are - waiting to be trained and assessed. Having waited as long as we have is daunting, but there are many who have waited longer. 

Happy Anniversary! August 2013

Overwhelming Support

We would like to thank everyone who has contributed to the overwhelming messages of support we have received.

To say we feel encouraged would be an understatement.

So sorry for you two, I didn't realize what was going on. 

Hopefully something will make it happen!

                                                     - C

Thank you C! No one knows what is going on, and this is the reason we spoke to CBC.

Pam my heart just breaks for you and Adam... 

I keep you in my thoughts and prayers and pray that one day you will have 

the family you so truly deserve! 

                                                        - H

Thank you H! You have been such a huge support to me through miscarriages, fertility treatments and the adoption path.

Pam and Adam, my heart aches for you. I pray there 

will be a turnaround in the politics holding this all back.

                                    - C

Thank you C!! We hope that shedding light on the situation will encourage the right people to discuss it. For the first time, we got some questions answered today.

In response to our late night phone call last night:

 

I'm proud of you guys for standing up for your rights and to put a voice 

on so many who are with you suffering. Clearly, they are clueless and prob had no 

idea this was even happening so they wanted to put a face on somebody to place 

their fear, pain and anger and unfortunately it was you two when they should have 

been joining your side:( just remember there will always be misguided haters 

and that to never give up on your dreams no matter what people say or do, 

it just means God is creating another path for you and those with the most trials who 

work the hardest always have the greatest victories. You help bring needed awareness 

to others left in the dark so now you can both move on to a new route filled with light. 

That nursery will not go to waste- God bless you both. Hugs

                                                   - J

As always J, your words are sweet and comforting. Thank you.

It took a lot of guts to share what you are going through. 

I hope that is that you see the good in sharing your story. Hugs

                                                 - K

 Thank you K. 

Thank you everyone!

 

The Language of Adoption

The pen is mightier than the sword.

                           ~ Edward Bulwer-Lytton

For the word . . . is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
                                                                                                            ~ Hebrews 4:12

The limits of my language means the limits of my world.

                                                                ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein 

Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know more.

                                                                                                 ~ Confucius 

Language. It's an odd thing; a powerful thing. Language allows us to communicate our most basic of needs and to convey the secrets of our hearts.

Language can bring people together or drive them apart. 

Language can heal, can hurt and can isolate.

But what is language? Is it the words we use? The way we pronounce things? Is it what separates nations?

How does communication differ from language? What we say isn't always what we mean. What someone hears isn't always what was said.

• To Tell
• To Say
• To Hint
• To Accuse
• To Infer
• To Imply
• To Interpret
• To Translate

 

Consider all of these terms, with no mention of emotion, and the effects that emotions have on language.

 

The words we use often mean more than we realize. What comes out of our mouth isn't necessarily what goes in another's ear.

 

Adoption language is no different. What is said isn't what is necessarily heard. What is intended isn't necessarily what was said. The words you use need to be the right ones, because what they imply can do more damage than you can ever correct.

 

You can never unhear something. Ever.

 

Ever.

 

So we need to learn positive adoption language. We need to educate ourselves about how not to hurt someone about the fundamentals of who they are, where they come from, and how they got there.

 

Consider this: as someone who grew up in an adoptive situation, I was often asked where my real mom was. 

 

What is a real mom? Isn't it the person that tucks you in at night, scares away the Boogy-Man, cares for you every day and holds you when you cry?

In this case it was meant as the biological mother. 

 

Well, sure, yeah, that's what they meant. No need to be so sensitive right? I know what they were really asking. 

 

Wrong.

 

What do you think that taught me as a child? How do you think those words affected my Adoptive Mother? Honestly, it was like a pointed slap in the face. Every. Single. Time.

 

I do not want the same painful words to be used for our child. Because what it teaches, on the most basic level, is that you don't really belong.

 

Situation: As a child there were 2 ways I was introduced to people. Mom and Dad would refer to me as their youngest. Their son would call me their cousin.

As an adult what that tells me as there was a lot of emotional issues that were never dealt with, that needed to be talked about, and that needed to be resolved. As a child that told me that I didn't really belong there.

 

Granted, these are extreme examples, but it doesn't take the extreme to do damage.

 

(Not to worry, I have moved past these things in my life, but it's something we will try to spare our child.)

To that end, I invite you to read up on the topic and to educate yourselves. We want to give you some guidance for positive adoption language, but ultimately we cannot control what language you use. 

 

I know that those people who are closest to us want to do everything they can to shower our LO with love, acceptance and goodness. So here are some tips to get you started!

The Document No One Talks About

That's right - the Last Will and Testament . . .

Ours are completed as of tonight!

It's such a surreal thing to do, but it's done now - one more thing off the list!

Also, Adam found a Russian Society here in Halifax!! I'm thrilled - our child will have a place to go to maintain their Russian heritage and we'll be able to learn too!