The journey of adoption varies in many ways from that of a pregnancy.
In pregnancy, there are celebrations to mark the major milestones. Some of these include the positive test, telling the family, the first ultrasound, the first kick, the first kick that
other people can feel, the baby shower, the labour, the birth and the brand new baby.
In adoption, we have our own milestones to celebrate, such as a finished home study, provincial approval, country approval, referral, meeting the child, being awarded custody of the child, and the infamous "Gotcha Day".
~ While those with new babies struggle to learn to breastfeed, we will struggle to introduce attachment.
~ Where an expectant father dotes on his wife's every craving and twinge, Adam dotes on my neurosis with paperwork.
~ Where the mother makes a birth plan and decided who to have in the delivery room, we make flight reservations and hotel accommodations.
~ Where the mother studies What To Expect When You're Expecting, we read everything we can on Post-Orphanage Behaviour.
But,
as different as each journey is, one
does not equal to the other. Neither is more difficult, but simply different.
An expectant pregnant mother worries about every twinge and cramp, whereas an expectant adoptive parent worries about international politics.
A pregnancy is created privately and there are intimate moments of joy. With adoption you depend on others to get you through the process, and bare deep intrusions into your life, your past and those of your family members.
In pregnancy you go through a physically painful and changing labour and birth, where adoptive parents deal with emotional pain and
papercuts.
I compare these two experiences, to better discuss another point.
A pregnant woman, and her partner, are recognized as expectant parents. There is a sign - a beautiful sign. A natural sign of human beauty and nature's progression.
The increasing roundness and plumpness of the woman's belly.
It's a symbol of impending parenthood, seen by everyone who sees her. Other women look at her with a mix envy and pity and longing. The belly tells the world that this woman will soon be a mother.
That is something that Adoptive parents don't have. We lack the silent proclamation of our life role change. We are not recognized by society as being in a state of preparation.
For example, when we purchased our beautiful nursery furniture recently, I was asked
several times if the purchase was for me or a gift. The staff kept looking at my stomach, then looking away.
The emotional journey to parenthood demands recognition. So recognition we gave it.
In a search for the right piece of expression, I found these beautiful tokens on
Etsy that perfectly represent our journey.
 |
| Our charms of impending parenthood. |
Two Russian charms: a pendant that says "Mama" for me, and a key-chain that says "Father" for Adam.
Everywhere we go, these go with us. To work, to the store, everywhere. I find myself holding it from time to time, and it's a gentle reminder of what's to come.
It's the talisman of our journey.
